I recently met a young man who told me he felt no need to marry or even be in a relationship. “Loving myself and living only for myself gives me the greatest satisfaction,” he said with confidence. “I am financially independent and capable of taking care of myself. No bondage, no attachments. I am the king of my life and can live entirely on my own terms. That is true freedom, and I enjoy it.” From the way he spoke, it seemed he expected me to admire his choice and perhaps even praise his lifestyle.
His words made me pause. Many men and women today feel the same way. Some of this comes from observing broken relationships, stress within families, and the struggle of commitments. Their search for independence is genuine, but is their idea of freedom complete?
I did not wish to be judgmental. Instead, I gently told him, “I am nobody to judge you. But if this freedom gives you peace, contentment, bliss without anxiety, and a deep sense of fulfillment without any inner void, then it is indeed something to be appreciated.”
He was silent for a while and then admitted honestly, “Not really. I am not free of those feelings. But compared to what I see around me, I am happy.”
That response set me thinking too. Perhaps many today are not fully aware of the framework of Purusharthas, the four guiding principles of life: Dharma, Artha, Kama, and Moksha. Dharma is living by values and virtues, righteous living. Artha is about being financially stable. Kama refers to fulfilling desires in a responsible way. And all of these should ultimately lead towards Moksha, liberation.
Liberation is not about doing whatever one pleases. It is a gradual inner process of freeing the mind from attachments, greed, anger, fear, and insecurities. In ancient thought, moksha was described as freedom from the cycle of birth and death. In our modern context, it can also mean freedom from the inner afflictions (kleshas) spoken of in the scriptures—ignorance (avidya), egoism (asmita), attachment (raga), aversion (dvesha), and fear (abhinivesha).
As the Bhagavad Gita reminds us (4.20):
“Tyaktvā karma-phalāsaṅgaṁ nitya-trupto nirāśrayaḥ, karmaṇy abhipravṛtto ’pi naiva kiñcit karoti saḥ.”
Let go of attachment to results, remain content and independent, and even while acting fully, be inwardly free.
A life centered only on oneself, constantly asking “what’s in it for me,” can never bring lasting contentment. Seva, or selfless service, is the true key to happiness. When we begin to see no separation between ourselves and others, when we live with love, compassion, kindness, and devotion to something higher, we naturally feel fulfilled. In relationships too, the balance lies in attachment with detachment, caring deeply without clinging.
After all, human beings are social and emotional by nature. The desire to love and to be loved is both biological and psychological. That is why it's difficult to believe that one can be truly happy while saying, “I need no relationship, no love,” unless one has consciously left behind the life of a householder and chosen the path of renunciation.
In the end, freedom is not a life lived apart, but a heart that embraces without fear, serves without expectation, and rests in the joy of the higher Self. That alone is the liberation every soul seeks.
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